unloading.

it's getting heavier and heavier.

i remember my blog entries before. the one where i was tagged to write 20 things to 20 random people without saying who they are. i think i had around 13 lang that time, and right now, i think it's the best time to unload and throw some things in the air. just so i can breathe again. i don't know if the people i'm going to say this to will get to read it, but what the hell. as long as i let it out, i'm fine.

1. fuck you and your doubt about my commitment. for all i know, if i'm going to give something up for the sake of YOUR show, the reason i gave you would be more than valid. but please, i don't work for you and your useless company. i don't even consider you talented. you are not an artist. and yes, i have the guts and the power to say that. aggravate me more and i'll say it straight to your face: YOU ARE NOT TALENTED. YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN "THERE" YET BUT YOU ARE ALREADY A HAS-BEEN. i am not sorry, i will not be sorry. deal with it.

2. you are slowly getting unbearable. i spent months trying to understand where you're coming from, but at this point, i have to say i can't be tolerant. you don't know how much i sacrificed just so that i could do what i'm supposed to do. it's your turn to work. let go of those useless anxieties because that's not gonna get you anywhere. i'm starting to lose my respect and my belief in you. i can't tell you to work harder because you're not even working hard.

3. are my messages getting across? i don't know how to say it, but i think i... like you? something like that.

4. why do you always ask people what you can do? can't you think of solutions on your own? must you always rely on other minds to do the thinking while you just sulk there and wallow in shame for the stupid things you've done? can you for once, fix things yourself?

5. how can i thank you? i mean, for always being there to help me even if i get bratty and annoying and dependent. like, even if it's already 2 or 3 in the morning, you're ready to reach out when i start running to you, curling up like a little girl, being all scared and insecure and sometimes even irrational. i want to say thank you, and i want to show you that i really mean it. you have every reason to not do all of this for me. thank you. i might not be able to express how much. thank you...

6. i'm going to miss you. SO MUCH.