after the Tick Tick Boom run tonight, i went to dinner with the bluereppers and went home when i was tired. i decided to pass by petron beside la vista to replenish my stuff. i was tired, sleepy, just wanted to get what i need then rush home so i can lie on my sweet sweet airbed and rest.
i parked in front of one of the establishments in the gas station. when i went down, an elderly man (i guess he's around 70 years old) pointed at me. i looked at my clothes and on the ground. maybe i dropped something, or maybe there's something on my shirt. nope. 'twas all clear. i looked at him, clueless.
man: you don't know how to park?
i looked at my car. it was straight naman
me: sorry?
man: your car isn't right in the middle.
i looked at my car again. yes, it was off center. but it's not like i'm going to hit the other car. it's actually fine.
me: oh, i'll just buy something. it'll take around 2 minutes.
he looks at my ateneo jacket
man: you're from ateneo?
me: yes
man: atenista ka, and you don't know how to park?
i laughed a little (subtext: WTF!?)
me: sir, ateneo's not a driving school! :D
on the way home i thought about it. why do people think like that? should every atenean be supreme? should every atenean be perfect? hell, HE SHOULD SEE THE PARKING AREAS IN THE LOYOLA SCHOOLS! i'm sure he'd get a heart attack. what the hell, what does being an atenean have to do with parking properly? did i just embarrass the good name of my school because my car wasn't right smack at the center of the space? i don't care if he's an old man and if people tell us to respect our elders. you're the same people who said age doesn't matter. hahaha.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
the tick tick booms are getting softer now. or not.
WE'RE OPENING IN A FEW HOURS!
just last weekend i had my major breakdown for this production because i saw the run and felt that the show wasn't where i wanted it to be. i wanted it seamless, beautiful, in sync, PERFECT. hell, i worked so hard to get things right, devoted my breaks to learning notes that i hardly even know how to read, working with the very limited resources that i have, so it better be the perfect show that i had in my head.
since the start of june during the auditions, i had very strong visions of this production. i listened to my ipod more than usual, listening to every note, making sure i'm not missing out on anything. i made sure i had the timing down pat, i made sure i understood the songs. during idle time, i'd read, make notes, try to look for patterns both in the text and in the music. i don't know how much i've worked, but i have to admit, i'm still not tired. i want to create, i will create. i want to keep working no matter what.
by the time rehearsals came, i also sacrificed a lot of my time to attend to cast members who may need help. i sought for help from outside resources when i felt that their needs are far beyond what i can give. nevermind pride and insecurity. when i needed other people to help me, i immediately shunned thoughts of me being ineffective because i knew that i needed help and that it would be for the best.
maybe, that's the reason i broke down when i heard the words "ate, bakit ang waley waley nilang kumanta?"... i cried even harder last thursday, when i went to acting class and my teacher asked why i was absent the previous week. i told him that i had to attend to the show that i'm doing and he told me that it's not a valid reason and that he's questioning my sense of commitment. i didn't know how to react. i was distracted for the rest of the 3-hour class. i felt that he wouldn't say that if it were his show i attended to. why take it against me that i'm working on something that i've learned to love? why question my commitment, when it was only commitment that i could give, and it was what i gave. i cut class because i wanted something better, and i have to admit, it was worth every single heartbeat that i spent away from class. sure, i'm not being graded for my work in Tick Tick Boom. i guess that's what makes it even more worth my while. it's pure passion that moves me. that's why i guess that whole questioning my commitment thing is something i won't forgive. it's wrong to hate, but i just have to.
i've dealt with a lot in the course of mounting this production. now that we're facing opening night, i couldn't be more thankful. i was a mess during the preview last night, making sure everything was in tip top shape. i picked a seat in front of the tech booth so that i can signal the tech booth people about the volume levels. i ended up not using the said seat as i stood the entire time, restless, hugging the white care bear that i finally took out of the box after 8 months.
preview night was marvelous. they made a few mistakes in their harmonies, but i didn't care anymore. we have a show. we're ready to open and i just couldn't be prouder of what the show has become. i was just so overwhelmed that there was a crowd, that they were watching the show, that there, right in front of me was a product of my hard work and all the situations and the words that i had to endure.
we're opening in around 4 hours. i'm sure it's going to be great!
just last weekend i had my major breakdown for this production because i saw the run and felt that the show wasn't where i wanted it to be. i wanted it seamless, beautiful, in sync, PERFECT. hell, i worked so hard to get things right, devoted my breaks to learning notes that i hardly even know how to read, working with the very limited resources that i have, so it better be the perfect show that i had in my head.
since the start of june during the auditions, i had very strong visions of this production. i listened to my ipod more than usual, listening to every note, making sure i'm not missing out on anything. i made sure i had the timing down pat, i made sure i understood the songs. during idle time, i'd read, make notes, try to look for patterns both in the text and in the music. i don't know how much i've worked, but i have to admit, i'm still not tired. i want to create, i will create. i want to keep working no matter what.
by the time rehearsals came, i also sacrificed a lot of my time to attend to cast members who may need help. i sought for help from outside resources when i felt that their needs are far beyond what i can give. nevermind pride and insecurity. when i needed other people to help me, i immediately shunned thoughts of me being ineffective because i knew that i needed help and that it would be for the best.
maybe, that's the reason i broke down when i heard the words "ate, bakit ang waley waley nilang kumanta?"... i cried even harder last thursday, when i went to acting class and my teacher asked why i was absent the previous week. i told him that i had to attend to the show that i'm doing and he told me that it's not a valid reason and that he's questioning my sense of commitment. i didn't know how to react. i was distracted for the rest of the 3-hour class. i felt that he wouldn't say that if it were his show i attended to. why take it against me that i'm working on something that i've learned to love? why question my commitment, when it was only commitment that i could give, and it was what i gave. i cut class because i wanted something better, and i have to admit, it was worth every single heartbeat that i spent away from class. sure, i'm not being graded for my work in Tick Tick Boom. i guess that's what makes it even more worth my while. it's pure passion that moves me. that's why i guess that whole questioning my commitment thing is something i won't forgive. it's wrong to hate, but i just have to.
i've dealt with a lot in the course of mounting this production. now that we're facing opening night, i couldn't be more thankful. i was a mess during the preview last night, making sure everything was in tip top shape. i picked a seat in front of the tech booth so that i can signal the tech booth people about the volume levels. i ended up not using the said seat as i stood the entire time, restless, hugging the white care bear that i finally took out of the box after 8 months.
preview night was marvelous. they made a few mistakes in their harmonies, but i didn't care anymore. we have a show. we're ready to open and i just couldn't be prouder of what the show has become. i was just so overwhelmed that there was a crowd, that they were watching the show, that there, right in front of me was a product of my hard work and all the situations and the words that i had to endure.
we're opening in around 4 hours. i'm sure it's going to be great!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
unloading.
it's getting heavier and heavier.
i remember my blog entries before. the one where i was tagged to write 20 things to 20 random people without saying who they are. i think i had around 13 lang that time, and right now, i think it's the best time to unload and throw some things in the air. just so i can breathe again. i don't know if the people i'm going to say this to will get to read it, but what the hell. as long as i let it out, i'm fine.
1. fuck you and your doubt about my commitment. for all i know, if i'm going to give something up for the sake of YOUR show, the reason i gave you would be more than valid. but please, i don't work for you and your useless company. i don't even consider you talented. you are not an artist. and yes, i have the guts and the power to say that. aggravate me more and i'll say it straight to your face: YOU ARE NOT TALENTED. YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN "THERE" YET BUT YOU ARE ALREADY A HAS-BEEN. i am not sorry, i will not be sorry. deal with it.
2. you are slowly getting unbearable. i spent months trying to understand where you're coming from, but at this point, i have to say i can't be tolerant. you don't know how much i sacrificed just so that i could do what i'm supposed to do. it's your turn to work. let go of those useless anxieties because that's not gonna get you anywhere. i'm starting to lose my respect and my belief in you. i can't tell you to work harder because you're not even working hard.
3. are my messages getting across? i don't know how to say it, but i think i... like you? something like that.
4. why do you always ask people what you can do? can't you think of solutions on your own? must you always rely on other minds to do the thinking while you just sulk there and wallow in shame for the stupid things you've done? can you for once, fix things yourself?
5. how can i thank you? i mean, for always being there to help me even if i get bratty and annoying and dependent. like, even if it's already 2 or 3 in the morning, you're ready to reach out when i start running to you, curling up like a little girl, being all scared and insecure and sometimes even irrational. i want to say thank you, and i want to show you that i really mean it. you have every reason to not do all of this for me. thank you. i might not be able to express how much. thank you...
6. i'm going to miss you. SO MUCH.
i remember my blog entries before. the one where i was tagged to write 20 things to 20 random people without saying who they are. i think i had around 13 lang that time, and right now, i think it's the best time to unload and throw some things in the air. just so i can breathe again. i don't know if the people i'm going to say this to will get to read it, but what the hell. as long as i let it out, i'm fine.
1. fuck you and your doubt about my commitment. for all i know, if i'm going to give something up for the sake of YOUR show, the reason i gave you would be more than valid. but please, i don't work for you and your useless company. i don't even consider you talented. you are not an artist. and yes, i have the guts and the power to say that. aggravate me more and i'll say it straight to your face: YOU ARE NOT TALENTED. YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN "THERE" YET BUT YOU ARE ALREADY A HAS-BEEN. i am not sorry, i will not be sorry. deal with it.
2. you are slowly getting unbearable. i spent months trying to understand where you're coming from, but at this point, i have to say i can't be tolerant. you don't know how much i sacrificed just so that i could do what i'm supposed to do. it's your turn to work. let go of those useless anxieties because that's not gonna get you anywhere. i'm starting to lose my respect and my belief in you. i can't tell you to work harder because you're not even working hard.
3. are my messages getting across? i don't know how to say it, but i think i... like you? something like that.
4. why do you always ask people what you can do? can't you think of solutions on your own? must you always rely on other minds to do the thinking while you just sulk there and wallow in shame for the stupid things you've done? can you for once, fix things yourself?
5. how can i thank you? i mean, for always being there to help me even if i get bratty and annoying and dependent. like, even if it's already 2 or 3 in the morning, you're ready to reach out when i start running to you, curling up like a little girl, being all scared and insecure and sometimes even irrational. i want to say thank you, and i want to show you that i really mean it. you have every reason to not do all of this for me. thank you. i might not be able to express how much. thank you...
6. i'm going to miss you. SO MUCH.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)