time to hit the hay after working hard all day.

i can't wait for this week to be over. actually, i just can't wait for friday to arrive. tomorrow is going to be ultra jampacked, just thinking about it makes me hurl.

it's only the third night of music rehearsal and god knows how tired i am already. the first day was such a chaotic environment that we were given just an hour and a half, so we finished just 1 song. last night, we had 3 hours but finished just 3 songs. tonight i chose an ultra easy song so i had time to clean some others, and started a new song (in which i will be needing help. HELP!). i hope those leads study their solos already so that it's easy na to clean.

THOSE COUNTERPOINTS ARE DEADLY.

maybe yesterday was such an off day. you know, like, there are some days when it's all happy rainbows and cheerful bears all around. yesterday was gloomy and depressing, i can't quite figure it out.

i think i already am more than confident about bluerep doing Zanna, Don't! this season. it now makes so much sense.

we discussed judgment in philo class. sir jope was saying something about the grounds for concubinage according to philippine law. he said the guy should have already brought the concubine to his home, the relationship should be scandalous, and another one (i forget) in order to file charges. adultery is charged, however, upon seeing a married woman with another man.

i then asked, what about the homosexuals? like, what if i have a relationship with a girl then i have a one night stand with another girl, am i going against the law? he then said no. there aren't any provisions for homosexual cases. i jokingly replied "eh di magmamahal na lang ako ng babae. mas safe pala eh".

he then said that there aren't any provisions regarding homosexuals because we are in the philippines. he said that in a country like ours, there is no other gender aside from the male and the female. meaning, they're NOTHING and that they have no place in here. after all, it hasn't been a month since the comelec called the ladlad partylist immoral. ladlad was the only way that they could be represented in the legislature. imagine, out of the 268 members of the congress, there isn't even just one person to represent the lgbt community?!

i observed the change in my classmates' reactions. at first we were laughing at my comment about preferring to just love a woman to be safe. the next moment, we all fell silent. by the end of sir's explanation, i was holding back my tears, and i just didn't stop thinking about it even after class. HOW COULD THEY BE NOTHING? HOW? a lot of the people i know are gay and i honestly don't know what i'd be without them. i don't get it, and i don't think there is a reasonable explanation for them to be nothing.

i cannot be more disgusted at the kind of world i'm in.

i hope people get to watch Zanna Don't, and i hope our message gets across. right now, all i want to do is empower. nevermind that i sound idealistic - I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD. everyone deserves to be represented, protected and accepted.

we're gonna go straight right to heaven. there is a difference.

guys can love guys, girls can love girls, guys can love girls, girls can love guys. WHATEVER. if it feels right, then it most probably is.

it's time.

i placed my tuition receipt somewhere SO SAFE, i forgot where it is. CRAP. OC skills wearing down. or maybe it has been caused by an unknown entity rearranging the things on my bed. i can tell. it's not the arrangement i had prior to leaving the house.

hmm. maybe i should put those things in my planner. those important locations and all.

the past weeks i've been very apprehensive of the things to come (in no particular order)
1. zanna don't
2. directing class
3. theology
4. philosophy
5. breakups and breakdowns

i don't know if i can handle all those at the same time. i only have 15 units this sem, but i can tell that my directing class is going to consume time, especially since i'm sort of a perfectionist. i'm going to need every minute.

i know na my plans regarding zanna don't and b&b. i hope it's plan A. but yeah, i have plan B and C. if needed, i can come up with plan D as well.

on the way home from toff's party (on the way home meaning 5:30am hahaha), i was with geru, but we were both silent. on my end i was thinking of all the things i have to do, and whether or not i am prepared. before school started i was semi-freaking out. i kept asking if i can handle it. i don't know if it was still the alcohol in my system that was giving birth to all those thoughts, but i felt that oh my god, I'M READY.

i hope that feeling lasts... til march.

bring it on :D

catch and throw

1. can i just say? it's going to be hard to adjust to FA102 class. missy is so perky, and i'm definitely NOT a morning person. we're required to watch SPIT next week though. yay! and we get to go on a celdran tour in january! yay! but yeah. not in the morning, please.

2. HOLY CRAPAUD. theology scares me. it's only been orientation but omg. omg. omg. such a chip on my shoulder. BIGGER than a boulder hahaha. oh nooooo. pauline, hindi ka rin naman gaga. may challenge ka pang nalalaman. what the hell. i am SO scared.

3. it was such a long wait. i swear i have to have my voice lesson rescheduled. 11:30am-5pm? omg. whatta wait.

4. however, today's lesson went well. i like how in that little room i give and get so much. it was weird though that we worked on volume. i hate myself. when i know that the people around are better than me, i tend to minimize volume. i liked it towards the end though. i got past the whole volume issue and just let go. i went on to analyzing text as i was singing so it was like i put more heart. it felt nice.

5. HAD I KNOWN, THEN I WOULD HAVE POURED ALL THAT EMOTIONAL MISHMASH WHEN I SANG TODAY! THANK YOU.
I put my faith in love
I followed where it led
To my personal circle of Hell
HAY NAKO.